So I’ve been in Oklahoma since March 1. I lived with this couple that I’ve known for years for almost 2 months before moving into a new house with roommates [which is where I’m living now]. Things were great when I first got here; I had a job within two weeks and started my journey of independence. But over the course of time I lived in the first house, things started getting weird. I couldn’t do my laundry there, there was never anything to eat, and I had a curfew of 12 am, but I resented being awoken day after day by their screaming toddlers. So of course, when this opportunity of a big house with cool people to live with arose, I jumped on it. On the Johnny side of things, his family treats me like one of their own. But there’s just a tiny little discrepancy interfering with my life right now… which leads me to a story. Only one of my 4 roommates doesn’t work at Taco Bell. Us others do. There’s a guy named Aaron who also works at TB, and we found out he was pretty cool, and he lives down the street from us. He drinks, he smokes…so our basic party addition. Well, last Thursday I guess they were all at the bar. I don’t go because I’m not old enough, but that’s beside the point. So everyone, including Aaron, came home. My roommates went to sleep but A and I just sat up, smoked a little bit, and talked, but. He was WASTED. He started touching me, and I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I could smell the booze on his breath. He started holding me down and kissing and biting me. He was so strong and I couldn’t get him off of me [I’m about 130 lbs, pure skin and bones]. I kept trying to fight while he tried to take off my clothing…and I lost. He forced me, his hands were on the front of my shoulders holding me down and preventing me from being able to use my arms at all. He was hurting me but I couldn’t move, nor could I scream. I felt like I was being suffocated by fear. All I could say was No, but no matter how many times I uttered the word I couldn’t get away. Afterwards, I didn’t know what to do. He went home and all I could do was sit and cry. After talking to one of my roommates about it, we concluded that I’d have to tell Johnny if I wanted to continue having the honest relationship that we have. So yesterday, I texted him. I think that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I wanted to tell him in person but he insisted that I just tell him. He was pissed… not at me but nonetheless… I had to tell my stepmom, my real mom, and my mother in law, too. They all wanted to know why I didn’t call the police.. I didn’t know what to do. Johnny was home last weekend and I wanted to talk to him about it but Aaron wouldn’t leave my house. I feel guilty. I remember what he said to me before he left me sitting there, I never cried during the whole thing but as soon…as he walked out the door I fucking lost it. He looked me straight in the eyes and said You are beautiful. And now I can’t sleep without a nightmare, him repeating the words over and over.. I can’t eat without feeling suddenly sick. And for being so goddamn beautiful I feel like the ugliest girl in the world.